Single Ladies: Before and After you put the ring on it.

Single Ladies: Before or After he puts the ring on it


Everyone is looking at you. You’re nervous. Queue music. Your hands are shaking slightly. You feel your legs moving, but it is more of a mindless effort at this point. Your mother is crying. There he is, standing there with his face beaming. A twinkle in eye. Everyone waiting for you to get to the front. Many thoughts are going through your head, yet nothing could have prepared you for this moment. This moment. The moment you’ve been waiting so long for. The moment that will undeniably change your life for this point forward. You’ve spent months planning. You’ve dreamed about it. You will now spend the rest of your life with the man you’ve fallen in love with. What a joyous day. The wedding is now over. The people are gone. The dress is put away. You’ve gotten your dream day. Now you find yourself picking up after him. Cooking for him when you don’t feel like it. Arguing about unimportant things. Feeling misunderstood. Still growing as a woman. Realizing that you still have unresolved issues. Establishing yourselves as your own family. The “til death do us part” of the vows you took are now becoming a reality check. You find yourself thinking “Was I ready for this?”

Maybe you were, perhaps you weren’t. The truth is, you’re here now. Or maybe you aren’t yet. Maybe you need a little advice that will prepare you to look deep before you take that leap. I am in no way saying that marriage is a bad thing. I’m married and I love it. Has it been hard? Yes. Have there been times when I’ve wanted to throw in the towel? Absolutely. Are there any regrets? No, just growth spurts. I just want to help wives and future wives to be thoroughly aware of the seriousness of the decision so they won’t end up in divorce court.

One thing I’ve learned that is a crucial part of the dating/marriage world. It is imperative that you try your best to become whole before you make a major commitment to anyone. Unresolved issues such as abandonment from a parent or loved one, abuse (sexually, emotionally, physically), self esteem, trauma, can all lead to problems in your relationship. You may look to your spouse to be your savior rather than your husband. You may also take out your hurts on him because you’ve never learned how to properly deal with it. This can put a large strain on the relationship causing resentment, anger, and bitterness. If there are any unresolved issues, try talking to a counselor or join a group that specifically deals with whatever you’re going through. Pre-marital and post-marital counseling would also be good for the both of you to work out anything that may be troubling your relationship. The first few months of my relationship with my husband, I didn’t realize that I was still hurting over some deep things that had gone on in my life. Unavoidably, this began to show when I expected too much from my husband. I wanted him to be everything that I was missing in my life plus the perfect person as well. When this didn’t work out, I was angry at him. I didn’t know that I needed to find wholeness and closure to past issues before I could be a complete woman for him.